A frustrated Herald subscriber

An eschatological comment on newspaper delivery

Andrew, our newsagent, symbolizes for me all the elements of the prophetic plan in his
transference of the news to his household customers.

The faithful live in expectation for their daily newspaper. There is tremendous hope that
the paper will arrive, and even a degree of faith, and being good people we can
assume much charity, and when the newsprint does arrive we have the rapture and
even the second coming. But, alas, as so often happens the clientele are left
without a paper, and then it is that Andrew gives us the great tribulation.

For those who are game enough to appeal directly to the august Andrew they can expect an
ecclesiastical response along these lines: “get stuffed you arsehole”. This is
only his way of saying: “Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire,
prepared for the devil and his angels.” Here we have the exercise of divine

The chosen people (Andrew’s customers) need the tablets of the Ten Commandments (The
Herald and The Australian
) otherwise they’ll turn to the Golden Calf, so
Andrew, don’t stay on Mount Sinai but come down and deliver the papers.


  1. Anonymous said,

    I’ve had problems with him for a while – he drives unsafely, notably around crossings and children, and I had a paper nearly hit me the other day. He seems to have pretty pretty well complete disregard for others.

    • Anonymous said,

      David Sergent

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